Monday, July 13, 2009

D. Blair: Space Eater Extraordinaire


"I'm a space eater"- Dejuan Blair

What a nickname. It's neither catchy nor quick, but Dejuan Blair is, indeed, a space eater. He's hungry for space. Looking to devour anything in the way of his basketball, he grows hungry when anything resembling opposition enters the painted area that can now be labeled his 'space." Served on a silver platter, space is the distance between Dejuan and deBall; something that he can chew up in a matter of milliseconds.

This begs the question-what truly satisfies him? Getting the ball, or the simple act of denying the treasured pigskin-to follow the space metaphor-"planet"-from other species of bigmen. Much to his tasteful delight, these two actions run in sequence.

I think we've discovered Dejuan's secret to losing 30 pounds in 2-3 weeks. May I introduce the "Dejuan Diet"; Forget burgers and fries when he can eat space. Calorie and sugar free, there's no unsaturated or trans fat in space, but eating it is perhaps the most satisfying treat a bigman can enjoy. All the more satisfying, are the calories burned during space-eating. It could be compared to celery, on a much larger scale-forgive the pun.

Perhaps we should release our assumptions, and ponder the possibility that Dejuan doesn't suffer from enduring pull of gravity during his space eating habits. This might be the only way to explain his unique abilities in his comfort zone-and his suction cup hands to boot. Gravity has been realigned, and the center now exists in the palms of his hands. People-this is a nobel prize worthy discovery.

But seriously, Dejuan thrived in his first summer league game. He had a double-double in 17 minutes of play, and he shot 5-6 from the line, ending with 10 rebounds and 13 points. Number 45 is at it again people.

This may serve as a warning; If you're in his space, don't be surprised if you're in his ever-shrinking stomach before you can blink.

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